If your child, or adult child, told you she/they were non binary and wanted to be called they/them.. how would you react to that? Would you cut them out of your life? If they were upset that you would not respect their feelings, how would you deal with that? If they decided to "disown" you for not respecting their wishes, would you be OK with that?
I would not call he or she they/them for many reasons, one of which it simply is not grammatically correct. These are made up terms and they are untrue. But, I would never cut someone out of my life because they believe something different than me. Nor, should someone be cutting off anyone in their family or who they claim to love because they don't share the same views. That is actually cult behavior. "Believe everything I believe or I'll cancel/disown you." Stop and think about that behavior - it is juvenile at best and cult like at its worst. I also would not be held hostage to someone else's beliefs or delusions. If we want authentic relationships, even with our own children, we cannot agree to things we don't agree to. If my child was going to "disown" me for not agreeing with them, that would be on them. I won't be held hostage by anyone, even those I love the most. Respect doesn't equate to agreeing on everything and it certainly doesn't involve compelled speech. "Say this or I'll disown you." That is no basis for a healthy, authentic relationship.
Thank you so much for your insight! Our youngest..age 35, is now non binary and "her" pronouns are they/them. Our older daughter is very adamant about us using the correct pronouns for her sister and corrects us when we don't. Youngest blocked me on FB (variety of reasons) and has no desire to see or talk to me. I'm afraid my older daughter will end up doing the same if I refuse to bend to this whole they/them issue. Drives me batshit crazy! They want me to "respect " their wishes but they don't want to respect mine.
Brilliant, thought-provoking, emotionally touching, Evie. Thank you for having this blog and sharing your thoughts.
I just sent this to one of my American friends where I used to live in Spain. We feel so much the same.
I had a conversation with my almost 86 yr old mother last night about what life was like when I was born in 1962 and the way that I was raised in the sixties and seventies. We miss the innocence, the hope, and the pride we had for our country and the world back then.
I've been in IT since 2000, and a cyber security professional since 2012, and since November of last year, a geospatial program management analyst as a government contractor. Despite that, there are times I wish that for 3 days every month, all satellite, internet and mobile phones - except for defense and emergency use -would shut down. It would be planned, and we would plan ahead to deal with life without those "tools" like we used to. Many of us feel this way. Perhaps we would relearn some lessons and values, and learn to appreciate what we have lost along modern technology's pathways....
If your child, or adult child, told you she/they were non binary and wanted to be called they/them.. how would you react to that? Would you cut them out of your life? If they were upset that you would not respect their feelings, how would you deal with that? If they decided to "disown" you for not respecting their wishes, would you be OK with that?
I would not call he or she they/them for many reasons, one of which it simply is not grammatically correct. These are made up terms and they are untrue. But, I would never cut someone out of my life because they believe something different than me. Nor, should someone be cutting off anyone in their family or who they claim to love because they don't share the same views. That is actually cult behavior. "Believe everything I believe or I'll cancel/disown you." Stop and think about that behavior - it is juvenile at best and cult like at its worst. I also would not be held hostage to someone else's beliefs or delusions. If we want authentic relationships, even with our own children, we cannot agree to things we don't agree to. If my child was going to "disown" me for not agreeing with them, that would be on them. I won't be held hostage by anyone, even those I love the most. Respect doesn't equate to agreeing on everything and it certainly doesn't involve compelled speech. "Say this or I'll disown you." That is no basis for a healthy, authentic relationship.
Thank you so much for your insight! Our youngest..age 35, is now non binary and "her" pronouns are they/them. Our older daughter is very adamant about us using the correct pronouns for her sister and corrects us when we don't. Youngest blocked me on FB (variety of reasons) and has no desire to see or talk to me. I'm afraid my older daughter will end up doing the same if I refuse to bend to this whole they/them issue. Drives me batshit crazy! They want me to "respect " their wishes but they don't want to respect mine.
Gotta love family!
Brilliant, thought-provoking, emotionally touching, Evie. Thank you for having this blog and sharing your thoughts.
I just sent this to one of my American friends where I used to live in Spain. We feel so much the same.
I had a conversation with my almost 86 yr old mother last night about what life was like when I was born in 1962 and the way that I was raised in the sixties and seventies. We miss the innocence, the hope, and the pride we had for our country and the world back then.
I've been in IT since 2000, and a cyber security professional since 2012, and since November of last year, a geospatial program management analyst as a government contractor. Despite that, there are times I wish that for 3 days every month, all satellite, internet and mobile phones - except for defense and emergency use -would shut down. It would be planned, and we would plan ahead to deal with life without those "tools" like we used to. Many of us feel this way. Perhaps we would relearn some lessons and values, and learn to appreciate what we have lost along modern technology's pathways....
Yes, it's important for all of us to remember that just because the world at large has strayed from our values, we don't have to join them.