Last week I spent time in Wickenburg, Arizona meeting up with my five year old self. She’s a delightful, creative and gentle girl - I really like her. I met her at a retreat called Survivors I, at the Rio Retreat Center and what a survivor she is! This workshop is designed around the work of Pia Melody, a highly regarded expert in the field of addiction and relationships and the author of some powerful books, such as Facing Codependence and The Intimacy Factor (I highly recommend both.) Her work has been integral in helping me develop a better understanding of why I think the things I think and why I behave the way I behave. Her work has helped my entire family actually. I was initially scheduled to attend this workshop several months ago, before my journey to Peru but I had to reschedule for personal reasons. Honestly, after I went through my ayahuasca journey, I was hesitant that I even needed to go to this workshop but I wasn’t about to forfeit the money I spent on it. I’m glad I decided to go - I saw some more of my blind spots.
In our current societal black or white way of thinking, there are two polarized opinions on looking at our childhood. Many people have the mindset of, “it was a long time ago, get over it and stop blaming your parents for your problems,” and those on the opposite side who like to marinate themselves in the past and can’t seem to heal and take personal responsibility for their adult lives. I fall into neither camp. Like all things, the truth falls in the middle - the necessary both and thinking. Your childhood isn’t something you can just pick and choose what you like to claim and disregard the rest because you’d rather not face it. If you accept the fact that your eye color and your work ethic were influenced by your parents, then you have to accept that some of your less desirable traits or blind spots were passed along too. It’s not about blaming, it’s about accountability. Explanations are not the same as excuses and looking at your past allows you to explain certain things in your behavior, but it does not excuse it. Big difference. Getting stuck in the past is equally destructive. There is a fine balance, the need to look through the microscope and the telescope. The microscope shows us the intricacies of what makes us who we are and the telescope allows us to see our place in the universe. We need to do both.
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