Daily Truth May 22, 2022

Life is a matter of what you choose to look at.

I’ve been waking up the past few weeks feeling completely overwhelmed. Before I can even peel my eyes open, my brain has already begun its morning routine; jumping on its exercise wheel like a lab rat burning off a massive dose of adrenaline. Except my brain is dosing on book writing, staffing shortages, food processing licensure, the stock market whittling away 17 years of savings, trademark deadlines, home renovations and a world that appears to have joined a cult which makes me think a return to institutionalization may be in order. I don’t like feeling this way. In fact, I hate it. I’m typically very happy for the chance to see the sun each morning. (Maybe that’s part of the cause - the sun is boycotting North Idaho this spring)

I’m usually able to shake off this anxiety within thirty minutes, so long as I adhere to my morning routine. Drink 12 oz. of water with apple cider vinegar, 5 minutes of tai-chi, two quick meditational readings, a journal entry, a few short prayers, repeat my mantra out loud several times and I’ve calmed that little rat sufficiently enough to have a productive day. Skip that routine? That little sucker runs loose; not only tearing up my day but putting some scratches in the eyes of anyone who comes near me.

Describing this recent overwhelm to my therapist, she offered me an idea. (Yes I have a therapist. No, I’m not ashamed; and yes, I believe everyone can benefit from therapy -so long as you find the right person, which isn’t always easy to do) Her suggestion was to think of five things I’m grateful for BEFORE I get out of bed. She noticed a trend in my way of thinking; I tend to force myself into corrective behaviors. Instead of grappling with myself and forcing my face in the dirt like a playground bully, “get over this anxiety you pussy!”, maybe adding a gentler approach would be beneficial. To be perfectly honest, my rat was rolling his eyes. “Give thanks, be grateful, turn that frown upside down.” So mundane and trite, but if I am nothing else, I am willing to try new things. So I did.

This morning, it took me awhile but I found I am grateful for:

• My dog Sydnee being alive. I miss her brother, Samson.

• My husband’s devotion to hard work. Never known a man more dedicated to his family. (He was absent from bed because he was up early on-call on a Saturday)

• My new, old house that somehow has been exactly where I needed to be after overcoming my battle with alcohol.

• The sun that was finally shining which meant I could have coffee outside on my front porch.

• And my sheets. (Sorry, I was running out of deep, meaningful ideas) Plus, my sheets cost as much as my first car so maybe that’s something worth being grateful for. It took twenty plus years of hard work to afford them.

I proceeded with my typical morning routine, which thanks to the sunshine, I was able to do outside. As I was sitting on my front porch, two women walked by with their dog. They stopped to tell me that they walk by my home everyday and think it is absolutely gorgeous. They wanted to know if it was my private home or a bed & breakfast. I gave them a brief history of the house and explained that it is currently our personal home but we plan to turn it into an Inn within a few years. As I thanked them and said, “it is a major work in progress", I had a realization. My endless list of overwhelming renovations was someone else’s dream home. The home I look at and see endless projects to complete, someone else looks at and sees nothing but beauty.

If this is how I am looking at my home, how am I looking at all the other anxiety causing issues in my life? Maybe instead of having to complete an entire process each day, I really just need to change what I see when I look at my life.

Look at my typewriter each day and see the life changing piece of work I can create because of my God given talent to write and be authentic; instead of seeing the daunting task of finding the right words to sell a million copies of a book.

Rather than looking at the lack of able bodies who want to work and the red-tape of licensing in the state of Nevada, I see the hungry faces we are feeding. I focus on the one-million meals we will donate, instead of the struggle of building a new brand.

See the new ideas I am bringing to the world. The new ideas that will help change lives and bring better health and happiness to countless others. Yes, this involves trademarks and legalities I abhor but that isn’t where I have to focus my vision.

I can look at my dog at the end of a long day, when it is dark and all I want to do is collapse in my bed, and see her sweet eyes instead of the burden of yet another walk.

I can look at our financial statements and see - Joe Biden. Or, I can look away from the disaster and focus my eyes on the simple fact that nothing and nobody can stop me from creating a successful life.

Look at the simple things like laundry and sheets waiting to be ironed and be thankful for the comforts I have. And maybe text my mom and thank her for bestowing upon me the appreciation for finely starched, crisp sheets. Which I did.

The world appears to us exactly as we choose to see it. So while I will continue to practice giving gratitude before leaving my bed, and I will calm my lab rate of a brain with my morning routine, I will be sure to look at things that I want to see.