Daily Truth Apr. 29, 2022
"We don't lead others into the light by stepping into the darkness with them."
This truth is an excerpt from one of my morning meditations. At first glance, it may draw up thoughts of cliche sayings of “don’t stoop to their level,'“ or “when they go low, we go high.” (A statement made famous by none other than a certain beloved, politicians wife - oh the irony.)
When I read this statement, it doesn’t elicit the idea of taking the high road. It calls to mind sharing negativity we all find ourselves drawn into, in our everyday exchanges. It is in the everyday we are drawn into other people’s darkness without recognizing it.
Have you ever noticed when someone falls into complaining of being tired, too busy, overwhelmed, hungry, over worked - the typical list of gripes - we have a tendency to join them in complaining? Even if we are having a fabulous day, as soon as we hear someone utter a complaint, we join in the party. You meet a friend for coffee and as soon as they tell you how tired they are, you are quick to respond, “you’re tired? Oh, I slept horribly last night.” “Your daughter is giving you a hard time? You can’t believe what my daughter said to me the other day!” “You gained 10 lbs., I’ve gained 15!” We have become a society of one-upping complaints.
Why this need to join others in negativity? Aren’t we all claiming to want something better in the world? I know this is what I want and this is what I hear most people say they want too. However, this is not what I see most people doing. Listen in on any conversation in a coffee shop and you’ll see exactly what I mean. Moms in yoga pants, from wall to wall comparing war stories of negativity. People in suits and ties sharing stories of long hours and thankless work. Students with laptops open, debating whose professor is worse.
We are influenced by those around us. It is easy to get caught up in the cycle of incessant complaining. While this may seem like harmless, unloading and sharing, the negativity is toxic.
This topic came to mind today after a wonderful date night with my dear friend, “yoga Jen” and my daughter. Jen and I knocked out a recording of Raw Sugar for my podcast and then my daughter met up with us for dinner. After a long week of writing, the catalytic convertor being stolen out of our Copow delivery truck, and an unexpected, massive tax bill, I had plenty to complain about. But, that’s not what happened. We instead talked about Jen’s new puppy, spring break, Scarlett’s job and the independence she is practicing. When I got home, I was filled with gratitude. My head was cleared of all the pinballs pinging from cell to cell. I slept soundly and woke feeling refreshed, positive and excited about the day. We don’t engage in wallowing negativity.
This is what made the evening so enjoyable. I didn’t need to rehash every detail of my long week, for Jen to follow up with complaints of her long week. Scarlett didn’t need to chime in about every thing that went sideways in her world. Quite the contrary. We bring one another into the light, by not stepping into the darkness.
Pay close attention to how you engage with others in the everyday. Are you drawn into their darkness or do you bring them into the light?
If what you say you want for the world is true, it requires you to bring others out of the darkness. Avoid the urge to one-up complaints. While sympathizing with someone can be kind, it isn’t necessary for you to join them in despair. What they need most is for you to give them a hand up out of their darkness, not crawl down the hole with them.